


Desolation

by TrashStash



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Depression, Gen, Mental Instability, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 18:55:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8765041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashStash/pseuds/TrashStash
Summary: noun :
    
    
  

   

    /A state of complete emptiness or destruction

   

  //Anguished misery or loneliness.





	

When Bruce was happy, he couldn't fathom himself being depressed. Depression. He couldn't understand that while he was hanging out with everyone, playing Overwatch at his place with pizza in front of them, that four months ago he had been in bed, with the clothes he had been wearing for almost two weeks still on him. That he hadn't showered in a week, that he had barely finished his dinner an hour after making it. It seemed that while he laughed at a frustrated Matt dying yet again, he had never _been_ depressed. He felt he had always been happy with just _moments_ of sadness.

But depression does that. Bruce knows that depression, or his depression, will make it seem he's either always been happy, or always been depressed. He can recall two years ago, just as Funhaus was put under Rooster Teeth, that he had fallen into a bad depression spell. He had been staying at home, calling in sick for two weeks to just lay in his room because he thought he didn't deserve all the production freedom they got being under RT.  

And when he woke up on Tuesday morning, a few weeks after their Overwatch night, he had a heavy feeling in his chest. He felt sore, the golden light shining through his curtains just a little bit too bright for today. Bruce stared at his window, making himself look at the light to try will himself to accept it. But after ten minutes he still felt weighed down. The heaviness in his chest didn't let up, not this morning, so with a slower pace he pulled himself out of bed, before getting his clothes to take a shower.

Arriving at work, he was able to be casual about it. He came off okay, just Bruce who made improv jokes and bits with James, who was able to laugh loudly at Elyse's answers during their recordings. Bruce made it through the day okay. He got home with Matt, they made their dinner, went to their rooms and played more Overwatch, before they headed to bed. But he thought about this morning, having been freed from the weight just after lunch that day. He wondered if it was just a bad nights rest, or that maybe his depression was starting up again. He felt his chest tense up at that, the thought that he could be going back into a depressive spell again. He didn't want to, he had been on and off his anti-depressants, admittedly, but it was four months since he had needed them. 

Bruce didn't remember when he had fallen asleep, but when he woke up to Matt knocking on his door and when he saw that it was almost 8:30, he sighed loudly and got up. He called to Matt to head out without him, he'll be there at 9, and when he heard the front door open and close he felt the weight now in his shoulders. It was more heavy, it made his _pace_ feel slower. He grabbed his clothes, got in the shower, and tried to go his fastest to get ready and head out. 

He was able to make it to the office just before 9, with James and Lawrence nodding at him as he sat at his desk with a heavy drop in his chair. He gave anyone who glanced at him from it a smile, and when they smiled back he knew he succeeded in suppressing it for another day. 

Now he knew he shouldn't be suppressing his depression. He knew that after his last bad spell, when Adam had called asking if he was okay after missing a few texts from everyone, Adam had told him to be upfront about his needs. That yes, he could stay home, if he needed to get it out of his system and take care of himself he could, but he needed to tell them if he felt he wasn't up for something. Him and Adam had a long talk after that, Adam offering to come over and talk face to face, and accepting that offer him and Adam had an even deeper conversation when he admitted to thinking of leaving Funhaus because of it. 

But that was two years ago. Bruce snapped back into now, with the weight of someone staring at him that went onto his already heavy shoulders, he glanced up to see Adam, who raised his eyebrows at him 'Are you good?' his expression asked, and Bruce just nodded with a shrug to his shoulders

'Just tired' he said back with a scrunch to his face. Adam nodded, going back to his editing. No one noticed their small interaction, Bruce was happy about, and checking the time he saw he had been thinking for a little over fifteen minutes. He turned on his computer, allowing himself to close his eyes as he waited for it to start up. He took advantage of his white lie, to let his head drop slightly and take a small rest. 

By lunch, he felt as tired as he had pretended to be. The weight on his shoulders dragged with him, making him use more energy throughout that morning. He went over and dropped onto the couch, seeing Adam, Elyse, and Lawrence glance at him as he did so, but Bruce just grabbed the pillow from his feet and covered his face. He sighed as the light was blocked out, and moving to get comfortable he let himself doze off.

It seemed like five minutes later that someone shook him awake. He quickly moved the pillow, opening his eyes to come face to face with Adam, who gave him a small smile 

"It's one" was all he said before going back to his seat. Bruce got out his phone, and seeing that it was indeed one he pushed himself up to a sitting position. He felt hazy, and he blamed himself for taking too hard of a nap. He still felt the heaviness on his shoulders, rested, but sore.

He tried his best to work harder on his quota for the day. He wanted to put in four hours of work into two, and wanted to do his best in the recordings of their shows. So he did. He made sure to put his best camera face on, because he was an adult now, he could tough it up for today. He could make James and Matt laugh, he could make funny images for Don to photoshop, he made sure to keep a  bit up for a bit longer. 

By the end of the day, Bruce could feel himself dragging his feet to his car. He thought about it, today, today he thought of what was happening and he thought about why he was avoiding talking to anyone about it. At this point he knew he was going back into a depression. He could blame it on his diet, it was believable to do so, or he could blame it on stress that interfered with his sleep, he was stressed, but at the end of the day he knew it was his depression. 

And after a week of having that cycle, of waking up, feeling weighed down, going to work but not wanting to be at work, of hating to try keep up with every ones jokes, he knew that yes, this was his depression, and yes, Adam and Matt noticed. Because Matt lived with him, and noticed him making his dinner later and later, and Adam noticed his tenseness at work.

Bruce knew it was getting recognized by everyone, because James and Lawrence kept the jokes for each other to keep up with, Elyse made sure to try do her best in making up for improv bits, Matt was doing his best to make both of them dinner, and offered to put some to the side for later, that he could go to his room as soon as they got home. 

Bruce appreciated it. It was starting to hit hard now, he knew it was almost at its worst once he started to take naps at five in the afternoon, and when Adam offered to come over Bruce allowed himself to lay in his room with Adam there with him.

He felt he had always been depressed. Bruce couldn't understand that he had been happy at one point, that while he walked into the apartment, with his anti-depressants in hand and Matt smiled at him when he saw it, that he had been out eating lunch with everyone three weeks ago. He wondered if he'd ever be happy again, and when Matt asked him if he wanted to play Overwatch later that night, casually telling him there were two pieces of pizza in the fridge that were there if he ever wanted them, Bruce did his best to talk about those thoughts. Matt kept it casual, but he did his best to get the point across that yes, he will be happy again, and that if he ever needed help he had him and Adam.

They played Overwatch, even inviting James to their party later that night. Bruce had finished one of the slices of pizza, and when he went to head to bed Matt reminded him of his anti-depressants. 

Bruce took them until he felt like he never needed them again

 

**Author's Note:**

> *Jazz hands* I'm expressing what's happening in my life into the story


End file.
